A Power Within

Do we pretend dear one?

As judgements are made and disclosed

In fretful haze we nuzzle closer

To mirror the fears that we know.

Do we pretend dear one?

As smiles and platitudes wither my heart

Perhaps we do, as we dream anew

Of positive days that will last.

We laugh as we follow regimes

But I’m frightened of this new terrain

Praying, dreaming and hoping

That this time there will be some gain.

Still in the consuming darkness

When sleep will just not come

I hear you fretful in slumber

Are we pretending dear one?

As in the yellowing dawn light

As my heart pushes down the pain

I think of all the others fighting a similar game,

I think of how far we’ve all come

Such bravery that cuts through this bane

To push down this ‘Wicked Beast’,

And make positive steps to gain.

No! I don’t think we’re pretending

Not in the very least

I’m proud of my warrior

Who struggles through with steely belief ,

Proud of my friends who daily defend

Giving him cause to go on

And yes of course I know we can make it,

We’ve really no need to pretend,

                                                  We’ve really no need to pretend…

Picture: Arab Warrior Leading A Charge by Adolf Schreyer

On the eve of  Hamada starting more Chemotherapy,I felt it appropriate as we finish our lovely Summer without treatment, to  post once again this short verse  first written in 2008.

My Clock.

How peaceful in this pavilion
as the pendulum is free to swing,
I wish to guard these regulated movements
as you oscillate in free time.
I wish to savour your liberty of actions
your power of self-determination.
I need to imprison and restrain this time,
to mend this clock of mine.

All Rights Reserved – June 2008

The following poem was found in my Grandson’s text book at the end of term. Nothing has been changed, it is just as it was written. It brought tears to my eyes when reading but I wanted to share it with you.

Emmanuel (Manu) is 10 years old.

My Grandpa’s really kind,

I knew he’d go to heaven,

since he got bone cancer,

when I was seven.

I think he laughs at any joke,

whether it’s good or bad,

and if he thinks it’s really good,

he laughs like he’s gone mad!

Usually he has to sleep,

since he needs his rest,

so when he is awake

he’s always at his best.

Before he ever got ill,

he used to play with me,

I used to kick a football

to him and back to me!

Alas not anymore,

we only laugh and talk,

it doesn’t stop me loving,

even if he can barely walk.

“Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a wonderful Blog Party at www.soulaperture.blogspot.com  Enjoy your  birthday treats  Christina  from www.susiehemingway.com  and

http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com    in the Lincolnshire Wolds UK.”

This week we learnt that our friend and Hamada’s fellow warrior, travelling the same MM road has passed away. He was a lovely gentleman whom we  had come to know during the trips to Lincoln County and more so during the recent  rounds of Velcade Chemotherapy (both having the same regimes).  This gentleman was the subject of my poem  “The Man With The White Knitted Hat” which is shown below in a recent post. It has saddened as both very much and we  send our heartfelt condolences to his  dear wife.  God Speed  Keith, your journey with MM was all too short.

As soft as the evening breeze

that trembles through the tallest trees

as meditative as your words allow,

entwined and tangled in these Summer days.

The crystal clarity in your eyes

tells more in a dear face of courage,

than the gentleness of your silence.

Not so much now a belligerent waging war

nor a stricken fight,

just a gentle silence that goes on into the night.

Words are difficult for you to find

It does not matter  for I don’t mind,

the gentleness of your silence is far more

than feckless words that blow in the Summer wind.

The brushstrokes of our life unfold clearly

as you focus daily to capture strength,

this Summer of endless joys

nothing more is needed,

no more

than the gentleness of your silence…

All Rights Reserved 2010

Music by Jo Moursi  is available to download, all proceeds going to research into  Myeloma UK.  Support a good cause and download,  let’s have some feedback too.

“My Heart Grew”- Single by Jo Moursi download from: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/my-heart-grew-single/id379506283

“A  beautifully haunting  romantic ballad, written, played and sung by Jo Moursi”!

All Rights Reserved. July 2010

Such a simple Summer choice. Prawns with Marie Rose Dressing*  Green Salad  with a simple French Dressing and Summer Jersey Royal Potatoes . With a nice glass of chilled Sancerre what could be nicer.

*Marie Rose Sauce for Prawns. Hellmans Mayonnaise, Tomato Paste and a little Cayenne Pepper, very little Salt all blended well with the  Prawns.

I’m sure the sky appeared bluer that day

tents and stalls were assembled by dawn,

a bustle took over the village

and in their own unique way

all manner of games, raffles and prizes

appeared for this, the  Annual Village  Fete.

“Teeny tots with sparkling eyes

As all around delights they spy

Laughing faces full of joy

Gleeful girls and skipping boys

Little children with winning toys

Raffles and tombola stand

Bouncy castles and a splendid band!

Sunlight streams through covering trees

A Village Affair for you and me

Jars of jams and chutney to buy

Balls to throw and win a prize

Just to be in summer glow

And watch this Village come and go

Fifty pence will bring a chance

To win the lotto in a glance

Pretty dresses, summer hats,

Throw the balls and make a crash!

Time to sit for cup of tea

Cakes to choose, now let’s see?

Strawberries and cream on scrumptious scones

No coffee walnut will be the one!

Nothing less that I can see

A Village Affair for you and me…”

All Rights Reserved 2010

It’s been a good week so far, one of those special weeks that  conjures up so much that is English. The start of  Wimbledon with fabulous tennis and new records being broken, the epic saga that culminated in the longest ever match and the most aces served in beautiful sunny weather with high temperatures, so perfect with the abundant strawberries and cream being served  and a real battle for the contestants and their ten hours of tennis!  The special visit of our dear Queen to Wimbledon, for the first time in thirty three years.  She looked marvellous in turquoise blue and matching Edwardian style hat, just incredible at eighty four years ! God Bless you Ma’am.

More fun with England redeeming themselves at football in South Africa with a win at last! Hamada enjoying every match he can manage to watch between his long periods of sleep. Perhaps I will keep my flag  flying at  “Hemingway” a little longer!

Days are so precious and making them special  is a constant joy, little  things that make someone who is very poorly enjoy these days is so important. The Family all came-up for the weekend with Sunday being Fathers day. “Hemingway” was filled with laughter and chatter, just as it should be and just as we like it. We enjoyed good meals together, watched more football and enjoyed a game or two of Scrabble. We finished our lovely weekend with a good Roast Beef Lunch at the Village Pub. Hamada enjoyed all this too.

Now back to reality today with a consultation at Lincoln  to see whether Hamada is well enough to start Revlimid another Chemotherapy drug,  after the disappointing  three month course of Velcade which did nothing to reduce the Myeloma load in his blood M-Spike (PP) now at 14!   I pray that he is well enough to continue to try.

So many days are important not just the ones that are life changing or life saving but all the ones in between.  These wonderful warm sunny days of June, yes every single one…

We swing together you and I

in that old shaded place we love,

peaceful sweet smelling garden air

that gentle breeze that tickles hair,

the yellow Iris in our view,

Oh how I love to be with you!

Tranquil sounds of garden spirits

the chirping of the evensong thrush

lavender blue scent comes through,

we swing together like children do.

This quiet spot where we can dream

these special hours away,

amid the slowing of day ending

we talk of yesterday,

no more is needed for you and I

we know that time is short

and so we talk and dream and think

of what this life has brought.

We dream together

                                              you and I,

                                                                     on this old garden swing.

Photo: from “Hemingway”

All Rights Reserved.

“Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair.”

WILLIAM BLAKE (1757-1827)

“Age does not protect you from love

But love to some extent protects you from age”

JEANNE MOREAU b 1929

“Life’s short and we never have enough time

for the hearts of those who travel the way with us.

O,be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.”

HENRI-FREDERICK AMIEL (1821-1881)

It was an eternal wait that day

a long perpetual tedious episode

an abuse on the senses,

the faces filling the clinic suite

sitting too close together at tables that encumbered,

all appearing the same, all resigned to their fate;

all stricken with disbelief.

I watched…

Can you put aside like dead flowers a mind that is full of fear?

Can you not feel the pain of those set faces that await

the ‘clarion call’ for  news no one wishes to hear?

Can you relentlessly show that crumbling smile?

Can you quieten the beating of your own heart?

I watched the woman sitting opposite me, a reflection of myself,

sitting beside her Man, worry etching her face,

quietly waiting the prophecy that could change their lives,

was she to receive news that would set her Man free?

Set them both free!

I watched…I watched…

I watched this fragile life snap and break,

I  watched those tears at another table…

All Rights Reserved  @ Susie Hemingway 2010

* NB After being on  Chemotherapy – Velcade  + Dexamethasone (80mg weekly) since February 22 2010 Hamada’s Para-Protein (M-Spike) has only dropped to 15  He is to have a little break and then start Revlimid.

Wash and cut two aubergines length-wise and place in oven-proof dish face down and sprinkle with a little olive oil, and cooked in oven for twenty minutes. Meanwhile dice one medium onion and cook in saucepan with two cloves of garlic until nice and soft and transparent add some mince beef as much as the size of the aubergines will allow. Fry off and then add some tomato concentrate a generous tablespoon will do it, a good amount of basil, a desert spoon of cumin, a little salt and a generous amount of black pepper.  Now you can at this point add some cooked rice or as I do on occasions, some cooked pasta to the meat mixture. Check your cooked Aubergines in the oven and when a fork will pierce easily, bring from the oven and scoop out the insides carefully as not to damage the skins including the little seeds as well, they are very good for you. Add this pulp to the meat mixture and blend well together, then transfer the mixture back into the skins. Top with the Cheese of choice I like strong cheddar or Lincolnshire’s Poachers cheese or of course Parmesan. Place back in the oven for 5 minutes and serve with love.