The following poem was found in my Grandson’s text book at the end of term. Nothing has been changed, it is just as it was written. It brought tears to my eyes when reading but I wanted to share it with you.

Emmanuel (Manu) is 10 years old.

My Grandpa’s really kind,

I knew he’d go to heaven,

since he got bone cancer,

when I was seven.

I think he laughs at any joke,

whether it’s good or bad,

and if he thinks it’s really good,

he laughs like he’s gone mad!

Usually he has to sleep,

since he needs his rest,

so when he is awake

he’s always at his best.

Before he ever got ill,

he used to play with me,

I used to kick a football

to him and back to me!

Alas not anymore,

we only laugh and talk,

it doesn’t stop me loving,

even if he can barely walk.

“Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a wonderful Blog Party at www.soulaperture.blogspot.com  Enjoy your  birthday treats  Christina  from www.susiehemingway.com  and

http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com    in the Lincolnshire Wolds UK.”

As soft as the evening breeze

that trembles through the tallest trees

as meditative as your words allow,

entwined and tangled in these Summer days.

The crystal clarity in your eyes

tells more in a dear face of courage,

than the gentleness of your silence.

Not so much now a belligerent waging war

nor a stricken fight,

just a gentle silence that goes on into the night.

Words are difficult for you to find

It does not matter  for I don’t mind,

the gentleness of your silence is far more

than feckless words that blow in the Summer wind.

The brushstrokes of our life unfold clearly

as you focus daily to capture strength,

this Summer of endless joys

nothing more is needed,

no more

than the gentleness of your silence…

All Rights Reserved 2010

Music by Jo Moursi  is available to download, all proceeds going to research into  Myeloma UK.  Support a good cause and download,  let’s have some feedback too.

“My Heart Grew”- Single by Jo Moursi download from: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/my-heart-grew-single/id379506283

“A  beautifully haunting  romantic ballad, written, played and sung by Jo Moursi”!

All Rights Reserved. July 2010

Such a simple Summer choice. Prawns with Marie Rose Dressing*  Green Salad  with a simple French Dressing and Summer Jersey Royal Potatoes . With a nice glass of chilled Sancerre what could be nicer.

*Marie Rose Sauce for Prawns. Hellmans Mayonnaise, Tomato Paste and a little Cayenne Pepper, very little Salt all blended well with the  Prawns.

tents and stalls were assembled by dawn,

a bustle took over the village

and in their own unique way

all manner of games, raffles and prizes

appeared for this, the  Annual Village  Fete.

“Teeny tots with sparkling eyes

As all around delights they spy

Laughing faces full of joy

Gleeful girls and skipping boys

Little children with winning toys

Raffles and tombola stand

Bouncy castles and a splendid band!

Sunlight streams through covering trees

A Village Affair for you and me

Jars of jams and chutney to buy

Balls to throw and win a prize

Just to be in summer glow

And watch this Village come and go

Fifty pence will bring a chance

To win the lotto in a glance

Pretty dresses, summer hats,

Throw the balls and make a crash!

Time to sit for cup of tea

Cakes to choose, now let’s see?

Strawberries and cream on scrumptious scones

No coffee walnut will be the one!

Nothing less that I can see

A Village Affair for you and me…”

All Rights Reserved 2010

More fun with England redeeming themselves at football in South Africa with a win at last! Hamada enjoying every match he can manage to watch between his long periods of sleep. Perhaps I will keep my flag  flying at  “Hemingway” a little longer!

Days are so precious and making them special  is a constant joy, little  things that make someone who is very poorly enjoy these days is so important. The Family all came-up for the weekend with Sunday being Fathers day. “Hemingway” was filled with laughter and chatter, just as it should be and just as we like it. We enjoyed good meals together, watched more football and enjoyed a game or two of Scrabble. We finished our lovely weekend with a good Roast Beef Lunch at the Village Pub. Hamada enjoyed all this too.

Now back to reality today with a consultation at Lincoln  to see whether Hamada is well enough to start Revlimid another Chemotherapy drug,  after the disappointing  three month course of Velcade which did nothing to reduce the Myeloma load in his blood M-Spike (PP) now at 14!   I pray that he is well enough to continue to try.

So many days are important not just the ones that are life changing or life saving but all the ones in between.  These wonderful warm sunny days of June, yes every single one…

We swing together you and I

in that old shaded place we love,

peaceful sweet smelling garden air

that gentle breeze that tickles hair,

the yellow Iris in our view,

Oh how I love to be with you!

Tranquil sounds of garden spirits

the chirping of the evensong thrush

lavender blue scent comes through,

we swing together like children do.

This quiet spot where we can dream

these special hours away,

amid the slowing of day ending

we talk of yesterday,

no more is needed for you and I

we know that time is short

and so we talk and dream and think

of what this life has brought.

We dream together

                                              you and I,

                                                                     on this old garden swing.

Photo: from “Hemingway”

All Rights Reserved.

“Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair.”

WILLIAM BLAKE (1757-1827)

“Age does not protect you from love

But love to some extent protects you from age”

JEANNE MOREAU b 1929

“Life’s short and we never have enough time

for the hearts of those who travel the way with us.

O,be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.”

HENRI-FREDERICK AMIEL (1821-1881)

It was an eternal wait that day

a long perpetual tedious episode

an abuse on the senses,

the faces filling the clinic suite

sitting too close together at tables that encumbered,

all appearing the same, all resigned to their fate;

all stricken with disbelief.

I watched…

Can you put aside like dead flowers a mind that is full of fear?

Can you not feel the pain of those set faces that await

the ‘clarion call’ for  news no one wishes to hear?

Can you relentlessly show that crumbling smile?

Can you quieten the beating of your own heart?

I watched the woman sitting opposite me, a reflection of myself,

sitting beside her Man, worry etching her face,

quietly waiting the prophecy that could change their lives,

was she to receive news that would set her Man free?

Set them both free!

I watched…I watched…

I watched this fragile life snap and break,

I  watched those tears at another table…

All Rights Reserved  @ Susie Hemingway 2010

* NB After being on  Chemotherapy – Velcade  + Dexamethasone (80mg weekly) since February 22 2010 Hamada’s Para-Protein (M-Spike) has only dropped to 15  He is to have a little break and then start Revlimid.

Wash and cut two aubergines length-wise and place in oven-proof dish face down and sprinkle with a little olive oil, and cooked in oven for twenty minutes. Meanwhile dice one medium onion and cook in saucepan with two cloves of garlic until nice and soft and transparent add some mince beef as much as the size of the aubergines will allow. Fry off and then add some tomato concentrate a generous tablespoon will do it, a good amount of basil, a desert spoon of cumin, a little salt and a generous amount of black pepper.  Now you can at this point add some cooked rice or as I do on occasions, some cooked pasta to the meat mixture. Check your cooked Aubergines in the oven and when a fork will pierce easily, bring from the oven and scoop out the insides carefully as not to damage the skins including the little seeds as well, they are very good for you. Add this pulp to the meat mixture and blend well together, then transfer the mixture back into the skins. Top with the Cheese of choice I like strong cheddar or Lincolnshire’s Poachers cheese or of course Parmesan. Place back in the oven for 5 minutes and serve with love.

Olive Oil  Roasted Chicken with new Jersey Royal Potatoes and Beefsteak Tomatoes, a little Basil, some good Mayo, and a Fresh Green Salad, just as simple as that!

Or how about a very tasty often forgotten Caesar Salad, with good green leaves, I like rocket  which is so great with  left over cooked chicken. Add  nicely baked multi-seeded wholemeal bread croutons, popped in the  oven with a sprinkling of  olive oil and baked until perfectly crunchy. Add some finely cut onions and chopped tomatoes and with a good Caesar dressing dribbled over the top, you can buy such good ones these days, hardly worth making and then with a generous amount  of finely sliced parmesan cheese, this salad is quite perfect, served with a nice cold white wine for a summer  meal what could be better?

Beetroot, onion, celery, nuts and slices of Parmesan cheese with garlic olive oil croutons – delicious lunch for a hot summer day.

Recently I left a comment on a fellow bloggers site thanking her for her generous continuous support, not only to me but to many other Multiple Myeloma sufferers and their Carers. Many hours of her time must have been spent reading and entering her sensitive most knowledgeable comments worldwide. She does so with grace and clarity unstinting in her kind praise of my diary poems and has been following Hamada’s journey for a number of years. She always seems to pick just the right time for a comment to bolster flagging spirits and I have noticed her words when most needed on many blogs around the world. This to me is just the most perfect use of blogging.

When I first started entering my thoughts in the form of poems four years ago it was the only way to find an outlet for my overwhelming sadness and terrible frustrations at the changes that had befallen Hamada. It had been suggested by my Son whose understanding of my need to write my poems and his great knowledge of blogging guided me to this unique world. I could vent my feelings sending my words into the ‘blogosphere’ never thinking or caring if they would be read or not. Cleansing my mind very often of my innermost feelings, thus saving my sanity from the injustice of it all. I have spoken on the radio before of my need to record this time of Hamada’s journey with this most difficult of diseases. When asked has this been helpful to me, I answered to say with sincere honesty that yes this has most definitely been the case. What an amazing outlet is this most modern of all media. I have been writing poems since a young woman, so for me the easiest format was to place my poems in a diary form. Releasing as the need came, the words of my heart.

My how from little acorns grew the biggest tree! Overnight my blog was visited and within a short while I had found this wonderful support network of other MM sufferers and their wonderful caregivers. All seeming to want to read my poems and I in return was able to not only glean the information I so badly craved about this illness of Multiple Myeloma from their sites. To subsequently understand their knowledge, the complicated medical jargon and learn about the different circumstances of these wonderful people but also and most importantly for me, to acknowledge the pain contained in their web-pages. We very quickly formed a united front against this beastly cancer that has intruded into our lives and have over these past years formed great friendships, with new bloggers arriving weekly. We spur each other on in times of crisis and rejoice and praise together in the good times. We feel each other’s pain as if it was our own, can relate and understand the many problems that Multiple Myeloma brings. How a kind caring word helps a difficult day.

Many of us, Patients and Carers worldwide have also formed friendships via the much maligned network of Facebook, where we reach out the hand of friendship daily, supporting each other where we can. For me  this is so much better than the psychiatrist couch or local Carers group which would be too difficult to attend when caring twenty four hours a day and when time is so precious.

Of course poetry is not for everyone and certainly my poems of love cannot possibly be to everyone’s taste but in the years I have been blogging, much to my amazement I have never had a nasty or inappropriate comment, not a single one; and this week my first web-blog reached fifty thousand hits. I would never have believed the whole new world that has been opened to me through a few simple poems. I thank the many internet friends who choose to follow our journey and allow me to follow theirs. Not a path I would have readily chosen but Life with a capital L threw this Myeloma our way, bringing many in the same position with their friendship to offer, some joy amid the sadness. I know my Family, Myeloma friends and their Caregivers completely understand that for me to complete this journal successfully; I must always write my poems as a true recollection of this time. They must be an accurate account, so this does not always make for easy reading and for some who find them too sad, I know they won’t be read. For the many who send emails and place their lovely comments on my blogs, I thank you. For I also know that many find them moving enough to release what I know have been called ‘healing tears’. If this helps just one person in some small way to continue forward, refreshed to yet another day, as it does for me when the words escape from my mind, then I consider it a worthwhile therapeutic exercise. I am aware that for many, writing of love and personal feelings is difficult and somewhat embarrassing, although this has never been mentioned to me. I am not so insular as to not understand this and it is a selfish purgative act so entirely helpful to me and after all was the very reason I started these blogs in the first place. Many of my poems are sad but we have over the years enjoyed so many happy and immensely joyous occasions and I have tried to capture these too especially in my earlier poems.

Using this most modern media to vent my feelings and save my sanity has brought many rewards but mostly it has been the link-up of this simply wonderful group of kind and caring individuals who are all following the same path as me.

To the wonderful lady whom I mentioned at the start of this article, who has the biggest caring heart and provides such a service to those who are often in a sad and difficult place I salute you.

To the wonderful folk doing the very best they can daily for their families and loved ones and in the continued fight to help with the individual knowledge gained which we all share, in the hope a cure for this most wretched illness will be found, I stand in praise of you.

With loving thanks to my supportive family my special girl and men friends who never ever fail me.

Taken from: “Small Acorns “– written on the 4^th Anniversary of Hamada’s diagnosis of Multiple Myeloma. May 2010.

Copyright @ Susie Hemingway 2010