Category — My Family

I carry thee like the heavy rain drenched leaves cover the precious plants

I carry thee like the mother with soft-fleshed babe in arms

I carry thee on heavy days, when limbs are tired but heart is willing

I carry thee.

I think for you on difficult days when drug filled mind is fuddled and quiet

I think ahead for you with heavy heart filled with anxious thoughts of decisions that must be made

I think of you when struggles to move are hard and bones make creaks and eyes are dulled

I think of you.

I watch for you, I listen to your breathing, when night has fallen and stillness comes

I watch for you with hope you never stumble or fall

I watch for you to make that kiss you love, entirely right at night

I watch for you.

I dream for you that days will pass pain free and  be filled with God’s blessings

I dream for you when watching  Autumn leaves fall as trees again show their tangled limbs.

I dream for you that you will see the Summer sun, rise across the pastures green once more

I carry thee….

@ Copyright 2009

We decided as we had a full house at “Hemingway” for the Bank Holiday Weekend to visit a lovely beach close to our home here in the East Midlands. The weather was fair with plenty  of warm sun and a brisk breeze  that helped the colourful Kites reach their blustery heights. There were ten of us in all, so plenty of willing hands to push Hamada’s chair along the old fashioned promenade to reach our base for the day at one of the brightly coloured chalets  perched high with their watchful eyes, newly painted wood and so many memories of  families gone before. They made a stunning border along the seafront.

Hamada was thrilled with being by the sea again, such a favourite place and reminding him immediately of  his childhood growing up close to the Sea in Alexandria, Egypt, where as children they also had a beach hut. A smile seldom left his face all day. He watch intently at all about him, enjoying his family and the fun and laughter we all had. Savouring the good fish and chip lunch, nothing quite so enjoyable as eating this English delight, washed down with a nice glass of Bollinger’s. Much flying of kites , Matt, Jo and Stuart steering their garish coloured Kites high for us to see clearly at our good advantage point and our little Grandson even braving the cold North Sea!

A loving  family like many others, tucking into ice-cream, happy to be together and enjoying the banter and fun of a typical English Summer Day. Just as Hamada said “ A very comforting Day”

10561 view @ September 1 2009.

Calm are the seas we travel now,
the sail is down
how tranquil is the ocean,
we drift past the deserted islands
with their scattered palms and
fallen coconuts,
we lay on the deck, with bronzed
skin and salty mouths
calm are our seas,
the soft magnolia smell of warm breezes
whispers through our hair
all is blue, placid and serene,
I am here with you, for once
essential as the mainstay
Calm are our Seas…

Photo: Personal Oil Painting – somewhere special in Oman.

* N.B. See Comments for Dedication.
@ Copyright Susie Hemingway 2009

Its’ strange how you know as soon as the consultant says “please have a seat” Some how you sense this is not going to go the way you so wish it would. Even chatting to the very pretty receptionist whom we have come to know over these years did nothing to allay my fears. Although Hamada had his bloods taken very quickly on arriving at Haematology yesterday and the waiting for the results was really very short indeed. I found it so difficult to sit patiently and concentrate on anything. Hamada always sits so calmly and yesterday buried his head in an interesting ‘Flight’ magazine. I nearly always listen to something calming on my ipod or read, but yesterday found myself reading the same line over and over again, being an avid reader this is not something that normally happens to me I ‘drink’ words as fast as I can. For me these consultations get more difficult as the months go by. Well a couple of results had not change too much – we are grateful for anything good! – the Haemoglobin was a little lower at 10.1 the Bence Jones was pretty level on last time results at 0.04 and the platelets had even risen a bit to 51. Then doom hits you like a weight sitting on your chest, the not so good… White Cell count now at the lower 1.5 and the Neutrophils at a very poor 0.72! and the dreaded Para.Protein*(M.Spike) is now at an alarming 10.7 !!

We discussed again with the Doctor what plan of action would be next and how far we should allow the Para Protein to rise, before the next battle begins. This depending now on a second Para Protein test done again yesterday,checking and double checking.

The Doctor stills feels Hamada should hold out longer, as he seems well enough in every other respect, some pain in left shoulder, back when moving and Oh! so VERY weary. So the figure of P.P. (M Spike) at 20, was thought to be the bench-mark for Hamada to start with Velcade. This figure of 20 seems high to me? I do understand the need to balance between the very poor blood counts and the rising P.P.
The Doctor also mentioned Revlimid again and this would be their second choice of action. Both extremely harsh drugs that must be considered very carefully.

I am aware of the recent news reports in America about our National Health Service here in the UK. I would like to assure any of our American friends, that what is reported in your press and on television, is nothing like the care and attention we receive here. Our consultant and his team, are well read and very aware of all the innovative work that is being done at such places as Little Rock,Arkansas. They seem very well versed on all the latest medicines and nothing is being held back from Hamada due to cost. Hamada drug regime is approx forty maintenance drugs per day and one 60 micro gram injection of Aranspt Darbepoetin alta, per week. He has been spared nothing and for that, I am eternally grateful. I would welcome any comments on this, email or here, on the decision to wait until the 20 PP mark. Thank you good friends, who bother to leave comments here and for caring to following Hamada’s Journey.

*Myeloma cells characteristically produce and release into either the blood or urine monoclonal proteins. Monoclonal proteins are referred to as either, M-protein, para protein or M spike. They are terms that mean the same thing.
The monoclonal protein is an immunoglobulin and in myeloma cells one or more mutations have occurred in the genes responsible for immunoglobulin production. Typically, the antibody function of the immunoglobulin is lost and since it is not performing it’s antibody function normally, more and more are produced therefore causing an increase in protein levels.

The faces staring out you see

a legacy from the past

linked by love it seems to me

a marriage that will last,

this primed, set and ordered way

made this for Miriam, a special day.

The ladies all in hats so fine

brought in boxes and decked in time,

dripping with flowers, covered in lace

see how the little boys know their place.

Brush your hair, pomade at will,

shine your shoes, bring Grandpa’s pills!

Sparkling jewels on collars and cuffs

has Aunt Maud brought her muff?

our handsome pair have walked the aisle

a special breakfast in a while,

but now we must look our best

for Hubert’s ‘heaven’ in nineteen eleven.

Don’t forget your gloves or cane,

dear God, don’t let there be more rain!

bring the chairs for we must pose,

young Jimmy please to wipe your nose.

Are we ready in our places,

a little stern, for happy faces!

Poof and Bang! the camera goes

who’d have thought the world would know…

All rights reserved with no reproduction of Photo.

Copyright @ August 2009.

With special thanks to Ged Tucker for the 1911 Family Photo

and also to Janey  Johnson for the restoration of this wonderful Photo.

Wedding anniversaries are always special. Perhaps even more these days with marriages ending in divorce with what seems like a lack of commitment on behalf of many couples. We give up so easily when things don’t  ‘go to plan’  falling out of love at a whim! So celebrating another year together is always something to cherish, certainly something to be proud of.  The stress of modern day living can throw-up distractions that can lure us away from what is truly important. For many of us, we say our wedding vows in the  throe’s of love and passion to the person standing with us on that special day. Do we really think enough about or believe that  these vows, you remember? ” In Sickness and Health,  For Richer for Poorer, Till Death do us Part”  could be and often are,  severely put to the test in later years. Staying the distance is what is important when things go wrong. I would never think a marriage without kindness ever worth saving,  but supporting and caring  for your loved one and loving, even when due to illness things fall apart and are no longer the same, or – ever likely to be the same again – IS. 

Now that makes you proud, that is something worth celebrating!  I am so lucky, to have been able to celebrate another special year with my Husband Hamada, although life is not quite the same …it is still very special.  We have managed another year of married life together, when we thought on several occasions that because of  his Multiple Myeloma  www.myeloma.org.uk  he would not be here and there would be No more celebrations of  this, “A Very Special Day”

Lora Conrad 17 July 2009. Everyone should have the privilege of reading Susie’s poetry. They bring real life to the forefront. It’s not always what we wish for, but, facing life’s valleys and sharing them openly makes it easier for others to accept also.

I dreamt of having boys you know

a thousand years ago,

tall strong  bright eyed boys,

who’d make me laugh as I grew old,

good honest loving boys

with values and a  ‘Joie de Vivre’

two boys would be just right I thought

to stand with me in times of strife,

that they would be – seamless friends,

I could not ask for more.

I dreamt  I would ignite their courage

infuse – to follow all their passions

and watchful for eternity I saw,

their dreams painted on perfect smiles

as brushstrokes make a painting,

and a sapling  makes a tree…

a thousand years ago

my boys did come to me,

I dreamt of having boys you know

a thousand years ago…

sometimes dreams snap and break

but sometimes dreams come true.

In Honour Of Matt’s 40th Birthday. June 2009

All Rights Reserved @ June 2009

Although you’re down and feeling blue

a little bit dreamy not wanting to

talk or read,  I understand,

just love smiles will do…

I’ll wrap you soft as feather down,

and feed you from a silver spoon,

bewitch you with procured delights

just return those love smiles tonight.

I’ll fill the room with bergamot

and camouflage  your pain,

find the crystal glasses

and then I’ll pour champagne,

unstring my heart like oyster’s pearls

enthral at just one glance,

if you can muster just for me

a ‘love smile’ when I glance.

I’ll soften all those noisy vowels

when cooing gentle mantra,

and even toast some butter crumpets

or pick a  Shakespeare rose…

and as the peace from pain

like absolution comes,

as when the scent pungent and loved

reaches to your nose,

smile for me beloved one

those ‘love smiles’ that I know…

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

www.myeloma.org.uk

You rest in doctors room the struggle great,

deep in reverie while you wait

as musing you gaze, far from me

I wish we could be home for tea…

but more than this, my wish for you

to not have this life of waging war,

to beseech and plead the pain away

this fervency of another day.

I wish I could bewitch this ‘beast’

to lure in cruel felony at least,

I wish we could be home for tea…

To listen and note every word

erroneous statements, you must see

as babble on, this fallacy

I ask for more, that will not be,

I wish we could be home for tea…

your shoulders crumple, your limbs are weak

but still you smile, polite, unique,

me bitter and hissing I sag within

this undeserved and stricken life

goes through my heart as doth a knife

I wish we could be home for tea

Oh! I wish we could be home for tea…

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

Life Is Fragile – Love is Not.

So spins our lives in turning chasms of change,

blurred and slippery as water

cascading over slimy rocks,

my wordless gesture in troubled times

invades your worried mind,

fiercely as the brushing hand to restless horse

my smile confirms, to reassure your fretful gaze,

as hell as life sometimes appears

in daily disclosing of newer pain,

my heart swoops and suffers,

my misty eyes, my soul knows

life is fragile, but love is not.

As birds black and shiny soar

to ‘crow’ in noisy rattle begin,

another nasty turn like sin,

to stab in pain, to etch within,

to reproduce in making bold this latest evidence,

dismissing in magicians wand, I wave again

I wave again…

To struggle and plunge I flounder there

impeach myself, still always care,

frightened damp and cold

my misty eyes, my soul knows

life is fragile, but love is not

love is not…

All Rights Reserved  @  May 2009

Hamada updates and a new poem ” I Write For You” on: http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com

A Pearl Of An Affair – by Susie Hemingway.

In reality a love affair

this finest one I’ll say it here

for as deep as in the Ocean find

this pearl of  love, the rarest kind.

A strong consistent bonded jewel

a respected and enduring love,

and in standing close we honour them,

their kindness and their joy of life.

It really is a love affair

that’s lasted long all thirty years.

A  recipe for all to see, this  magic

is of Jen and Ee.

A classic timeless romance is here, from

clear blue eyes and gentle brown,

from hearts and friends who stood that day

on sunny steps in Acton town…

For we can see it clearly now

this magic of their precious vows.

this strength, this love, entwines their hearts

embracing  all – to never part.

We  love them so, for without them both

life would be, half the fun, we all agree,

so lets thank the fates that deemed this day

that brought this love, this oysters prized and

special gift, this endless love and gentle bliss.

So raise your glasses one and all!

For this  is love a precious pearl…

All Rights Reserved June 2008

All Rights Reserved 20.06.2008