Category — Health Issues

I missed you, when the heated rhythm of Salsa

- that feels so like chillies when they touch

your tongue – drifted across the dance floor.

I missed you as this enticing music reached

my jewelled pinned ears.

Where were you? when the luscious sounds of

Sax blues, caught my needy toes

so carefully encased in high dancing shoes.

Where were those slim ‘sun touched’ hands that would

reach to twirl me to the dance floor.

Where was the graceful dancer, whose gentle persuasion

could spin me like a whirlpool, making me turn

and sway to the sounds of Latin beats and Bluesy tones.

Tell me, where were those magical eyes,

those sparkling rays of light, that always laughed with me.

Where was that smile, those breathy movements on the dance floor, those feet that could glide and coax

the dancer from my soul…

How my heart wants to dance with you once more,

instead of standing alone when the music calls to me.

I watched the others spin and whirl but my arms were empty,

sadness for your charms that made me feel like sixteen again.

I was never a wallflower but she has found me now,

where were you… when the deliciously heated sound of Salsa reached my ears… where were you?

@ Copyright 2009 Susie Hemingway.

Photo Susie and Hamada –Alex 1986. Wallflower Photo courtesy of Janey Johnson Photos. 2009

*This Poem was Posted On The Day Patrick Swazey Died Of Pancreatic Cancer. He Was A Wonderful Dancer bringing much pleasure to many ladies who saw him in the enchanting film “Dirty Dancing”  So I dedicate this poem to Patrick and to all lovers of dancing . “May Patrick continue to dance in Heaven”

 
“It was a comforting day” you said
skies of blue, white vapoury
scudding clouds lifting the
shimmering colourful kites
to the heavens in breezy skitsy way,
I followed your eyes
I tried to see your soul,
in quiet reverie as no one knows
the heart that pushes down this pain
in a day affirmative that popped
like champagne.

Laughter surrounds you
consuming and capturing this
mere moment but for you a life
so difficult and as fragile
as the bubbles in my glass,
breathe my love, live in mind forever
this sun warmed golden day
of perpetual joy,
paint these brushstrokes
on your heart, for life is now,
this time is ours
as precious and as beautiful
as the stunning mosaic sky.

My cares fluttered like the
swooping of the Kites
free and belonging to the skies,
intrinsic as the white opal swirls of the clouds
tossing my sadness into the wind
so carrying us forward with courage
to yet another day
refreshed and replenished
you glanced at me,
in soft light fading…it was a comforting day.

Copyright@ 2009.
Photo courtesy of Matt Rutherford.

This poem is dedicated to Dianne and Vern West, Nevada, Arkansas USA
for their courage.

Calm are the seas we travel now,
the sail is down
how tranquil is the ocean,
we drift past the deserted islands
with their scattered palms and
fallen coconuts,
we lay on the deck, with bronzed
skin and salty mouths
calm are our seas,
the soft magnolia smell of warm breezes
whispers through our hair
all is blue, placid and serene,
I am here with you, for once
essential as the mainstay
Calm are our Seas…

Photo: Personal Oil Painting – somewhere special in Oman.

* N.B. See Comments for Dedication.
@ Copyright Susie Hemingway 2009

Its’ strange how you know as soon as the consultant says “please have a seat” Some how you sense this is not going to go the way you so wish it would. Even chatting to the very pretty receptionist whom we have come to know over these years did nothing to allay my fears. Although Hamada had his bloods taken very quickly on arriving at Haematology yesterday and the waiting for the results was really very short indeed. I found it so difficult to sit patiently and concentrate on anything. Hamada always sits so calmly and yesterday buried his head in an interesting ‘Flight’ magazine. I nearly always listen to something calming on my ipod or read, but yesterday found myself reading the same line over and over again, being an avid reader this is not something that normally happens to me I ‘drink’ words as fast as I can. For me these consultations get more difficult as the months go by. Well a couple of results had not change too much – we are grateful for anything good! – the Haemoglobin was a little lower at 10.1 the Bence Jones was pretty level on last time results at 0.04 and the platelets had even risen a bit to 51. Then doom hits you like a weight sitting on your chest, the not so good… White Cell count now at the lower 1.5 and the Neutrophils at a very poor 0.72! and the dreaded Para.Protein*(M.Spike) is now at an alarming 10.7 !!

We discussed again with the Doctor what plan of action would be next and how far we should allow the Para Protein to rise, before the next battle begins. This depending now on a second Para Protein test done again yesterday,checking and double checking.

The Doctor stills feels Hamada should hold out longer, as he seems well enough in every other respect, some pain in left shoulder, back when moving and Oh! so VERY weary. So the figure of P.P. (M Spike) at 20, was thought to be the bench-mark for Hamada to start with Velcade. This figure of 20 seems high to me? I do understand the need to balance between the very poor blood counts and the rising P.P.
The Doctor also mentioned Revlimid again and this would be their second choice of action. Both extremely harsh drugs that must be considered very carefully.

I am aware of the recent news reports in America about our National Health Service here in the UK. I would like to assure any of our American friends, that what is reported in your press and on television, is nothing like the care and attention we receive here. Our consultant and his team, are well read and very aware of all the innovative work that is being done at such places as Little Rock,Arkansas. They seem very well versed on all the latest medicines and nothing is being held back from Hamada due to cost. Hamada drug regime is approx forty maintenance drugs per day and one 60 micro gram injection of Aranspt Darbepoetin alta, per week. He has been spared nothing and for that, I am eternally grateful. I would welcome any comments on this, email or here, on the decision to wait until the 20 PP mark. Thank you good friends, who bother to leave comments here and for caring to following Hamada’s Journey.

*Myeloma cells characteristically produce and release into either the blood or urine monoclonal proteins. Monoclonal proteins are referred to as either, M-protein, para protein or M spike. They are terms that mean the same thing.
The monoclonal protein is an immunoglobulin and in myeloma cells one or more mutations have occurred in the genes responsible for immunoglobulin production. Typically, the antibody function of the immunoglobulin is lost and since it is not performing it’s antibody function normally, more and more are produced therefore causing an increase in protein levels.

Excerpt from United Press London:
Your poem ” Life Is Fragile – Love Is Not” has been recognized as one of the best poems this year and to mark this fact we wish to publish it to a new book called “Whispers On A Breeze a showcase of the best work of a group of Poets. This book will be ready for publishing soon can be ordered at all good bookshops.

You may read “Life Is Fragile- Love Is Not” here.

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

In dreams I make you well again

in the velvet of the night

you run with me in endless flight,

far away in thoughts of long ago

we run on beaches sailing to

deserted islands, strong were the arms

that pulled the boat ashore.,

in dreams I see you there once more.

In dreams I make you well again

your long limbs brown and strong

the warm breezes puff at our skin

we swim in blue waters

you touching my nose and cheeks

the droplets of crystal waters

dry with salty streaks,

In dreams the picture never alters

In dreams  I see you there once more.

In dreams I make you well again

to walk the sands with me

you standing tall, with eyes so clear

from El Salam  unto the sea,

to see the lighthouse in the bay

for you to breathe that salty air

for you to brush my long fair hair,

In dreams I see you there once more.

In dreams I make you well again

in the quiet velvet of the night

the smile that changed my life

from dusk until the light,

in dreams you dance with me

on islands in deep blue seas

close your eyes and dream with me

see those najoods that stand like waves

see those golden seas of sand

see the place you held my hand…

*  ‘najoods  – Sand Dunes

* El Salem – Favourite Hotel 

@ Copyright 2007

Wedding anniversaries are always special. Perhaps even more these days with marriages ending in divorce with what seems like a lack of commitment on behalf of many couples. We give up so easily when things don’t  ‘go to plan’  falling out of love at a whim! So celebrating another year together is always something to cherish, certainly something to be proud of.  The stress of modern day living can throw-up distractions that can lure us away from what is truly important. For many of us, we say our wedding vows in the  throe’s of love and passion to the person standing with us on that special day. Do we really think enough about or believe that  these vows, you remember? ” In Sickness and Health,  For Richer for Poorer, Till Death do us Part”  could be and often are,  severely put to the test in later years. Staying the distance is what is important when things go wrong. I would never think a marriage without kindness ever worth saving,  but supporting and caring  for your loved one and loving, even when due to illness things fall apart and are no longer the same, or – ever likely to be the same again – IS. 

Now that makes you proud, that is something worth celebrating!  I am so lucky, to have been able to celebrate another special year with my Husband Hamada, although life is not quite the same …it is still very special.  We have managed another year of married life together, when we thought on several occasions that because of  his Multiple Myeloma  www.myeloma.org.uk  he would not be here and there would be No more celebrations of  this, “A Very Special Day”

Lora Conrad 17 July 2009. Everyone should have the privilege of reading Susie’s poetry. They bring real life to the forefront. It’s not always what we wish for, but, facing life’s valleys and sharing them openly makes it easier for others to accept also.

Information on Multiple Myeloma can be found on www.myeloma.org.uk     Helpline 0800 980 3332.

More Poems Of Love on http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com  -Views 9238 @ 25.7.09

It was never a choice was it?
it sneaked in and through
along and around,
this nasty wicked ‘beast’ that coursed
along the channels of our lives
it tangled and tried to spoil,
bent, broke, quietened and flawed
it tried to rob, steal if you may,
inflict, damage and take away,
it encumbered, hampered, distressed
and sapped,
this dark encroacher that went too far.
Still, it did not spoil or mar
love twixt us two
this fight…without choice.

All Rights Reserved @ July 2009
*This poem is dedicated to all Multiple Myeloma Sufferers and their Carers.

See twinkling eyes that dull with pain

eyes once bright as fire flames!

we juggle pills to make it wane

with every day I cry for you,

moving now is hard to do

limbs get stuck, refusing to

unbend and move, as graceful should,

“I wish I could untangle you”

Dreams that see you run again

walk the miles that never end

play the games that lovers do

dance forever just us two,

this once strong man

who laughs with me

now has morphine in his tea

instead of  ‘bubbles’ in a glass

thinking of the days gone past…

Still we can dance  if  very slow

so legs don’t stumble, I’ll

not let you go, put on

the music hold me tight

and yes, it still feels  very right,

we’ll play the soft and gentle songs

the ones you love, we’ll float along

I’ll watch your singing eyes

and wish I could, until I die,

“I wish I could untangle you”

“I wish…I could untangle you.”

Copyright @ 2007

First written 2007   :but the sentiment is just the same.

“I wish…”

“The Waiting Game” a new poem by Susie Hemingway is on: http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com

Although you’re down and feeling blue

a little bit dreamy not wanting to

talk or read,  I understand,

just love smiles will do…

I’ll wrap you soft as feather down,

and feed you from a silver spoon,

bewitch you with procured delights

just return those love smiles tonight.

I’ll fill the room with bergamot

and camouflage  your pain,

find the crystal glasses

and then I’ll pour champagne,

unstring my heart like oyster’s pearls

enthral at just one glance,

if you can muster just for me

a ‘love smile’ when I glance.

I’ll soften all those noisy vowels

when cooing gentle mantra,

and even toast some butter crumpets

or pick a  Shakespeare rose…

and as the peace from pain

like absolution comes,

as when the scent pungent and loved

reaches to your nose,

smile for me beloved one

those ‘love smiles’ that I know…

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

www.myeloma.org.uk

I was lucky enough to be invited onto BBC Radio Lincolnshire to be interviewed about my poetry by Judy Theobald, we spent a great 15 minutes chatting about my website and all the things that inspire me.

You can listen to our chat by just clicking here : interview.mp3

Or over on the BBC iPlayer site here - I’m about 35 minutes into the programme ( you may need to install real player to make that work – but I’ve had the interview edited for the link above).

You rest in doctors room the struggle great,

deep in reverie while you wait

as musing you gaze, far from me

I wish we could be home for tea…

but more than this, my wish for you

to not have this life of waging war,

to beseech and plead the pain away

this fervency of another day.

I wish I could bewitch this ‘beast’

to lure in cruel felony at least,

I wish we could be home for tea…

To listen and note every word

erroneous statements, you must see

as babble on, this fallacy

I ask for more, that will not be,

I wish we could be home for tea…

your shoulders crumple, your limbs are weak

but still you smile, polite, unique,

me bitter and hissing I sag within

this undeserved and stricken life

goes through my heart as doth a knife

I wish we could be home for tea

Oh! I wish we could be home for tea…

All Rights Reserved @ May 2009

Life Is Fragile – Love is Not.

So spins our lives in turning chasms of change,

blurred and slippery as water

cascading over slimy rocks,

my wordless gesture in troubled times

invades your worried mind,

fiercely as the brushing hand to restless horse

my smile confirms, to reassure your fretful gaze,

as hell as life sometimes appears

in daily disclosing of newer pain,

my heart swoops and suffers,

my misty eyes, my soul knows

life is fragile, but love is not.

As birds black and shiny soar

to ‘crow’ in noisy rattle begin,

another nasty turn like sin,

to stab in pain, to etch within,

to reproduce in making bold this latest evidence,

dismissing in magicians wand, I wave again

I wave again…

To struggle and plunge I flounder there

impeach myself, still always care,

frightened damp and cold

my misty eyes, my soul knows

life is fragile, but love is not

love is not…

All Rights Reserved  @  May 2009