A Power Within

As Summer fades and the air is filled with signs of Autumn.

As the leaves start their change in colour and their sprinkling fall;

the rhythm and flow of life continues its clever path.

This in-between state that suspends betwixt the seasons is all my heart desires.

To call on the Gods to allow a stay with compassion,

cleverly keeping this season of harvest and life.

Protect and preserve these mere moments of joy and utter no anguished change for me,

as grateful diamonds of joy, spill from my heart.

Take these vibrant days of colour with their smiles intact, allow for NO fear,

for you have always been my brave one but you are more so now…

Do not snap and break this plan I ask,

keeping this Autumn intact and in my whispered prayers.

All Rights Reserved @ 2010

Photo from Susie Hemingway’s Collection.

Just to let you know that Hamada has completed his first week on Revlimid and so far so good. Back ache which he is coping with but no feelings of sickness or other worrying symptoms so far. Hamada is of course very weary but managing to eat well. First early blood tests are back but we won’t get  the para protein/M-Spike yet. That I presume will be at the end of the first months course. Although sleeping most of the day which is pretty usual, there is a significant improvement in some of the blood readings  Haemoglobin is up a tad and there is a substantial rise in the neutrophills due I believe to the injections of filgrastim three times per week.

July Blood Counts. HB10.06 – Platelets 63 -WC.1.7 NEU –1.04

Aug Blood Counts. HB11.1 – Platelets-71 –WC1.8 – NEU –7.1 !!

Para protein  last reading 21.1  (which for those who don’t understand this very important reading is the number we are fighting to reduce)

We continue to go for weekly blood tests and then ring later in the day to confirm we can continue with this Chemotherapy regime. A real balancing act watching the condition of Hamada’s blood at every stage. Thank you Doctor C and Sister Tracy for this great attention to detail.

Do we pretend dear one?

As judgements are made and disclosed

In fretful haze we nuzzle closer

To mirror the fears that we know.

Do we pretend dear one?

As smiles and platitudes wither my heart

Perhaps we do, as we dream anew

Of positive days that will last.

We laugh as we follow regimes

But I’m frightened of this new terrain

Praying, dreaming and hoping

That this time there will be some gain.

Still in the consuming darkness

When sleep will just not come

I hear you fretful in slumber

Are we pretending dear one?

As in the yellowing dawn light

As my heart pushes down the pain

I think of all the others fighting a similar game,

I think of how far we’ve all come

Such bravery that cuts through this bane

To push down this ‘Wicked Beast’,

And make positive steps to gain.

No! I don’t think we’re pretending

Not in the very least

I’m proud of my warrior

Who struggles through with steely belief ,

Proud of my friends who daily defend

Giving him cause to go on

And yes of course I know we can make it,

We’ve really no need to pretend,

                                                  We’ve really no need to pretend…

Picture: Arab Warrior Leading A Charge by Adolf Schreyer

On the eve of  Hamada starting more Chemotherapy,I felt it appropriate as we finish our lovely Summer without treatment, to  post once again this short verse  first written in 2008.

My Clock.

How peaceful in this pavilion
as the pendulum is free to swing,
I wish to guard these regulated movements
as you oscillate in free time.
I wish to savour your liberty of actions
your power of self-determination.
I need to imprison and restrain this time,
to mend this clock of mine.

All Rights Reserved – June 2008

The following poem was found in my Grandson’s text book at the end of term. Nothing has been changed, it is just as it was written. It brought tears to my eyes when reading but I wanted to share it with you.

Emmanuel (Manu) is 10 years old.

My Grandpa’s really kind,

I knew he’d go to heaven,

since he got bone cancer,

when I was seven.

I think he laughs at any joke,

whether it’s good or bad,

and if he thinks it’s really good,

he laughs like he’s gone mad!

Usually he has to sleep,

since he needs his rest,

so when he is awake

he’s always at his best.

Before he ever got ill,

he used to play with me,

I used to kick a football

to him and back to me!

Alas not anymore,

we only laugh and talk,

it doesn’t stop me loving,

even if he can barely walk.

“Wishing you a very Happy Birthday and a wonderful Blog Party at www.soulaperture.blogspot.com  Enjoy your  birthday treats  Christina  from www.susiehemingway.com  and

http://www.susiehemingway.blogspot.com    in the Lincolnshire Wolds UK.”

This week we learnt that our friend and Hamada’s fellow warrior, travelling the same MM road has passed away. He was a lovely gentleman whom we  had come to know during the trips to Lincoln County and more so during the recent  rounds of Velcade Chemotherapy (both having the same regimes).  This gentleman was the subject of my poem  “The Man With The White Knitted Hat” which is shown below in a recent post. It has saddened as both very much and we  send our heartfelt condolences to his  dear wife.  God Speed  Keith, your journey with MM was all too short.

As soft as the evening breeze

that trembles through the tallest trees

as meditative as your words allow,

entwined and tangled in these Summer days.

The crystal clarity in your eyes

tells more in a dear face of courage,

than the gentleness of your silence.

Not so much now a belligerent waging war

nor a stricken fight,

just a gentle silence that goes on into the night.

Words are difficult for you to find

It does not matter  for I don’t mind,

the gentleness of your silence is far more

than feckless words that blow in the Summer wind.

The brushstrokes of our life unfold clearly

as you focus daily to capture strength,

this Summer of endless joys

nothing more is needed,

no more

than the gentleness of your silence…

All Rights Reserved 2010

Music by Jo Moursi  is available to download, all proceeds going to research into  Myeloma UK.  Support a good cause and download,  let’s have some feedback too.

“My Heart Grew”- Single by Jo Moursi download from: http://itunes.apple.com/us/album/my-heart-grew-single/id379506283

“A  beautifully haunting  romantic ballad, written, played and sung by Jo Moursi”!

All Rights Reserved. July 2010

Such a simple Summer choice. Prawns with Marie Rose Dressing*  Green Salad  with a simple French Dressing and Summer Jersey Royal Potatoes . With a nice glass of chilled Sancerre what could be nicer.

*Marie Rose Sauce for Prawns. Hellmans Mayonnaise, Tomato Paste and a little Cayenne Pepper, very little Salt all blended well with the  Prawns.

I’m sure the sky appeared bluer that day

tents and stalls were assembled by dawn,

a bustle took over the village

and in their own unique way

all manner of games, raffles and prizes

appeared for this, the  Annual Village  Fete.

“Teeny tots with sparkling eyes

As all around delights they spy

Laughing faces full of joy

Gleeful girls and skipping boys

Little children with winning toys

Raffles and tombola stand

Bouncy castles and a splendid band!

Sunlight streams through covering trees

A Village Affair for you and me

Jars of jams and chutney to buy

Balls to throw and win a prize

Just to be in summer glow

And watch this Village come and go

Fifty pence will bring a chance

To win the lotto in a glance

Pretty dresses, summer hats,

Throw the balls and make a crash!

Time to sit for cup of tea

Cakes to choose, now let’s see?

Strawberries and cream on scrumptious scones

No coffee walnut will be the one!

Nothing less that I can see

A Village Affair for you and me…”

All Rights Reserved 2010

It’s been a good week so far, one of those special weeks that  conjures up so much that is English. The start of  Wimbledon with fabulous tennis and new records being broken, the epic saga that culminated in the longest ever match and the most aces served in beautiful sunny weather with high temperatures, so perfect with the abundant strawberries and cream being served  and a real battle for the contestants and their ten hours of tennis!  The special visit of our dear Queen to Wimbledon, for the first time in thirty three years.  She looked marvellous in turquoise blue and matching Edwardian style hat, just incredible at eighty four years ! God Bless you Ma’am.

More fun with England redeeming themselves at football in South Africa with a win at last! Hamada enjoying every match he can manage to watch between his long periods of sleep. Perhaps I will keep my flag  flying at  “Hemingway” a little longer!

Days are so precious and making them special  is a constant joy, little  things that make someone who is very poorly enjoy these days is so important. The Family all came-up for the weekend with Sunday being Fathers day. “Hemingway” was filled with laughter and chatter, just as it should be and just as we like it. We enjoyed good meals together, watched more football and enjoyed a game or two of Scrabble. We finished our lovely weekend with a good Roast Beef Lunch at the Village Pub. Hamada enjoyed all this too.

Now back to reality today with a consultation at Lincoln  to see whether Hamada is well enough to start Revlimid another Chemotherapy drug,  after the disappointing  three month course of Velcade which did nothing to reduce the Myeloma load in his blood M-Spike (PP) now at 14!   I pray that he is well enough to continue to try.

So many days are important not just the ones that are life changing or life saving but all the ones in between.  These wonderful warm sunny days of June, yes every single one…

We swing together you and I

in that old shaded place we love,

peaceful sweet smelling garden air

that gentle breeze that tickles hair,

the yellow Iris in our view,

Oh how I love to be with you!

Tranquil sounds of garden spirits

the chirping of the evensong thrush

lavender blue scent comes through,

we swing together like children do.

This quiet spot where we can dream

these special hours away,

amid the slowing of day ending

we talk of yesterday,

no more is needed for you and I

we know that time is short

and so we talk and dream and think

of what this life has brought.

We dream together

                                              you and I,

                                                                     on this old garden swing.

Photo: from “Hemingway”

All Rights Reserved.

“Love seeketh not itself to please,

Nor for itself hath any care,

But for another gives its ease,

And builds a Heaven in Hell’s despair.”

WILLIAM BLAKE (1757-1827)

“Age does not protect you from love

But love to some extent protects you from age”

JEANNE MOREAU b 1929

“Life’s short and we never have enough time

for the hearts of those who travel the way with us.

O,be swift to love! Make haste to be kind.”

HENRI-FREDERICK AMIEL (1821-1881)